You were the one person I never anticipated having to miss.

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing

Dear Stranger,

I miss you. I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life. I miss the way people would ask me where you were when you weren’t with me because it was a known fact that we were a packaged deal. I miss laughing with you and all of our inside jokes. I miss sending you heinous pictures and talking to you from elsewhere. I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking. I miss knowing that at the end of the day I had you, that when push came to shove, no matter how bad the situation might be, I knew you would be there. I miss my person, and my best friend.

Hello, can you hear me?
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

I hate that when people ask me how you are doing, and I genuinely don’t know. I hate that our conversations that once used to be so natural and seemingly endless are now filled with awkward silences. I hate that your face, the face I was so accustomed to seeing every single day, has become just another one in the crowd. I hate that we can now go days at a time without speaking to each other.

There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles

I’m mad at myself for letting our friendship become this far gone. I keep asking myself “What happened? How did I not see this coming? I am mad at myself for not fighting harder for the friendship that we had. It wasn’t like most friendships. It was the kind of friendship that neither of us could have anticipated coming to an end. It was me against the world, and now it is nothing. I am mad at myself for letting it become nothing but a collection of memories.

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

I am sad because I don’t even know where to go from here. I don’t know what there is to be said. How do I make this horrible yearning for you go away? How do I shake the dreadful feeling of knowing that you are no longer just a phone call away? How do we find a way to fall back together just as easily as we fell apart?

Hello, how are you?
It’s so typical of me to talk about myself. I’m sorry
I hope that you’re well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

I am scared that it cannot be fixed and that maybe we weren’t supposed to be forever. I am scared that from here on out, you will not be a part of my life. I am scared that when I am hugging my friends this time next year anywhere, you will not be one of them. That when I throw my first housewarming party at my new apartment, wherever the real world takes me, you won’t be there. That when I look around at my wedding day at all the faces in the crowd, it will hurt just as badly then as it does now to find that yours will not be there. But what I’m most scared of is that you don’t even care at all. I am scared that maybe you haven’t noticed my absence in your life or that maybe you have, but it just doesn’t matter to you.  I am scared that you don’t look back on our friendship as fondly as I do. I’m scared that our lack of a future doesn’t hurt you just as badly as it hurts me. I’m scared that you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.

And it’s no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

However, even if that is the case, I will never give up hope that we will find our way back to each other, no matter how unlikely that now seems. I will never stop caring about you and wishing you well in life. I will silently smile from a distant sideline as you go out into the world and kick some ass. You will always hold a special place in my heart even though I may no longer hold one in yours. I will never stop looking back on our friendship fondly and will always only have kind things to say.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing is for certain, I will never find another friend like the friend I found in you. Thank you for everything. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know.

All the best,
Your Former Best Friend

So hello from the other side (other side)
I must have called a thousand times (thousand times)
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside (outside)
At least I can say that I’ve tried (I’ve tried)
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

*revised from an existing letter.

My Valentines Day

I used to celebrate this day with the same people (Oh yeah, people!) for the past two years. Since people come and go, whatever the reason may be, we have to move on and be the best person we ought to be even if we are in the most awful day of our life! Maybe, few more years… I can finally connect the dots and find the answers that my mind is craving for. After all, I still consider that this is one of the most special Valentine’s Day ever. This dream has been planned few years back with my best bud (He’s one of the people I am referring to but it is just so happen that we were able to celebrate valentines together with our closest friends). We have common qualities… that may be… the reasons why we are what we are. And yes, a lot of differences as well that we just managed to understand (mas understanding sya kasi kesa sakin :P).

In an interview…

“Ate, where does this all started?” 

My best friend and I always thought of this. We want to treat someone na nasa streets. We even thought of having a charity event sa isang island na napuntahan namin kasi wala silang kuryente 24/7. Every time we are talking, this is one of the topics. : ) Naghahanap lang kami ng tamang timing.

“Eh how did you come up with this deed?”

My best friend suddenly pm-ed me. Sabi nya mag feeding program daw kami pagdating ko sa pinas. Last minute yun. Since lagi ako on the GO I said “GAME”.

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“Where did the fund come from?”

The fund came from four resources. Yung isa, came from one of my closest friends, Oliver. He gave $50 and some used clothes. Tapos yung iba samin na… From our own pocket. Then the suv that we used and the gas came from our kabarkada as well… Si Daddy Jong.

“How about the preparation?”

We did not prepare ahead of time. We instantly call our barkada and as the saying goes, birds of the same feather flocks together… therefore, lahat sila kaladkarin din. So, we called them and they joined! Drei, Daddy Jong, Mawi, Bree (Daddy Jong and Mawi’s four year old kiddo) and I went to SM Supermarket to shop for brownies and juices in tetra pack.

ImageWe chose the BIG 250 Orange Juice and Mango Juice plus the brownies.ImageDrei queuing at the counter 🙂 ImageDONE! We bought 6 boxes of juice and 6 packs of brownies. We’re waiting for Daddy Jong to pick us up 🙂

After that we picked Yen, Leah and Emjey somewhere in Buendia Station – there’s a gasoline station there we park and hang a lil bit. Yen and Leah came in first then Emjey.

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Then, we went to Jollibee adjacent to Malate Church. We ordered 53 Jolly Spaghetti with drinks and 7 Jolly Spaghetti with Chicken Meal for our early dinner.

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After buying Jolly Spaghetti meal, we went straight to the streets of Manila and distributed the food 🙂 We saw ultimate joy in their eyes; We heard the softest and sincerest “thank you” from all of them; We don’t even think that what we did is hard but it was! as it is really hot, tiring and so on… But all of it was worth doing after all.

I am thanking my best buds for doing this! 🙂 More to COME buddies! I love you all to to pieces!

Drei | Yen | Jong | Mawi | Leah | Emjey | Bree | Chenee

 

11 EarPods’ Tricks

For some of you who knows me and was able to read most of my articles (HotFIXzone by cheneezone) about Technology, Gadgets and Tweaks in a magazine few years back…Here I am again! And as a come back cheers, I have the 11 EarPods Tricks. Enjoy!

EarPods’ Tricks

Here are the Eleven EarPods’ Tricks 🙂

I thought this EarPods has a very limited functions until I found out some through playing with it and researches.

1. Increase Volume.

To increase the volume using your EarPods, tap the (+) button until you reached your preferred volume.

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2. Decrease Volume.

To decrease the volume using your EarPods, tap the (-) button until you reached your preferred volume.

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3. Play / Pause.

To play or pause a song or video, tap the notch in the middle of the remote.

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4. Skip to the Next Track.

To skip track, tap the notch (in the middle of the remote) twice.

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5. Go to Previous Track.

To go to previous track, tap the notch (in the middle of the remote) thrice.

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6. Rewind.

To rewind, tap the notch (in the middle of the remote) thrice and hold.

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7. Fast Forward.

To fast forward, tap the notch (in the middle of the remote) twice and hold.

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8. Camera Shutter Release.

When you are to take photos, you can tap the (+) to shoot.

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9. Activate Siri.

To activate Siri, press and hold the notch.

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10. Answer / Hung Up an Incoming Call.

To answer of hung up an incoming call; tap the notch (in the middle of the remote) once.

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11. Reject Incoming Call.

To reject an incoming call, press the notch (in the middle of the remote) and hold.

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Solitary Weapon

Sports? News? Feature? Editorial? They were part of me a decade ago J Yea, I used to write and accidentally (always hahaha) joined conferences with the editorial board staff. I just (always) want to write feature and editorial though. But as a so-called “journalist” we need to be flexible at times and I think this is just helpful enough to discover new things about ourselves and about our fortes as a newbie.

I thought you’ll never ask, YES, once, twice, I am representing one of the prestigious schools in that city and most of the time we are bringing home the bacon.

 

My solitary weapon just dropped and I don’t know how to revive it until a new opportunity knocks in. They are offering one leaf page for me to write technical articles. Oh yeah, this is too far from the past! An emotionless writing technique! Well, I just tried it.. . Kick Off Issue, Second, Third… Tenth… I never get tired of it! I was the Art Director of a magazine as well during that time and a learning photographer. I started accepting that writing really forgets me or it just broke my heart in different ways.

 

I tried writing feature stories again side by side but it is just that none of it has an ending.

All I have now are collections of fragmentary, unknown, unpublished and uncertain stories.

 

I am trying to bring it back… my solitary weapon…